The Seeing Series, Part Two: Soaking Youth Up Like a Sponge
Restless for some fun, last year I decided to spend a day in the city with my daughter and her friends - gracious young women who let me show up and blend in as best I could.
(Side note - why do we say young women and old women? Is it because we see possibility in them and longing in ourselves? We could simply say “women”. I digress.)
I listened to the Apple New Release music list on my way in, knowing I needed to be up on current tunes. These girls are serious about their girl time - they establish an agenda before they meet so they know what they need help, encouragement, and excitement around. I made jokes, held my own in their “modern woman” discussions about men, travel, and how they want to live.
I proved to myself that I can relate to them, who they are, where they are in their lives. I absorbed as much youth as I could and felt as brazen as possible without appearing ridiculous. There it is again, the skill of straddling the fence of balance, a skill I’m willing to maintain. I am a Libra, you know.
So we got tipsy at a wine bar and devoured a cheese board and other snacks. They asked me questions, made me feel seen, made me feel relevant, something I was struggling with, challenged by health, mortality, and purpose.
I mean, what have I done here? What is my footprint? How will I leave the world when I move on to whatever is next? I think it’s easy to look back at the surface of years lived and overlook your influence and success. We spend too much time on shoulda, woulda, coulda bullshit, rather than what worked, what the gifts were, and where the generosity existed.
I felt free on this day, and freedom makes me feel young. And that replenishes my energy and hope. My body may tell one story, but my heart tells another, one of feeling younger as I heal, being motivated by the potential my writing has.
And yet I still feel obligated. To my clients, my husband, friends, and kids. I would love to have time to myself. A lot of time. like six months. No responsibilities.
Is obligation an internal farce? And can I truly be responsible to myself first? And where do I start with that?
I will start tomorrow.